If I Had Liveblogged The GW Inaugural Ball

So, I went to the GW Inaugural Ball last night, and because I’m one of these hip, young, crazy cats who doesn’t have a smartphone, I wasn’t able to liveblog it.  But if I had, it would look something like this:

6:18 PM: Wait, I gotta wear a suit to this thing?

6:23 PM: WHY WON’T THIS SHIRT IRON???

6:47 PM: Just passed several men wearing bowties and what seem to be tuxedos.  This thing seems pretty legit.  Hope my suit and tie will suffice.

6:55 PM: Feeling wary about wearing this tie.  Sitting here while Mohan and Leah are getting ready in Johee’s room.  Mohan’s got this makeshift tux with a bowtie, cuff links, and these shiny gold things you attach to your shirt buttons.  I didn’t even know they made those.  There’s this thing that you put on your waist that looks like a back brace, but is a classy way of looking fancy and hiding your belt.  Note to self: learn about fancy things.  Youtubing “How to tie a bowtie.”  Learning new things every day.

7:00 PM: Just learned you’re not supposed to wear boxers with a suit.  Need to buy new underwear.

7:16 PM: Guess Mohan’s got a clip-on bowtie.  Crisis averted.

7:18 PM: Johee just took a shot all by herself.  Not really into heavy drinking on a Monday night.  Guess some Asians can take their liquor better than others.

7:55 PM: Sprinted to catch a shuttle, passing a large group of people.  We got to the shuttle only to find it was full, and the huge group of people we just passed were now all in line for the next one.  We fail at life.

8:12 PM: Mohan just found a tie in his pocket.  #ExtraDressClothes

8:33 PM: Egg rolls, chicken skewers, veggie dumplings, and pork buns.  Mmmmmm.

8:34 PM: Two couples just started ballroom dancing on the dance floor.  Everyone is awestruck.  Wow.

8:44 PM: There’s now a large line for the food.  Tragedy has struck.

8:59 PM: These old folks sure know how to get down.  Pretty sure I just witnessed an 80-year-old man singing the lyrics to “Dynamite,” by Taio Cruz.

9:12 PM: Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this Cupid Shuffle thing.  If I understand correctly, move right, move left, kick a bit, then turn to the left.  I am a master now.

9:32 PM: Cell phone reception is spotty/nonexistent.  Where are you Alex Loo and Ilana Stein?!?!?

10:17 PM: Some guy thought Mohan was hitting on his boyfriend when he motioned for me to come on to the dance floor.  Fight ensues.  Just kidding, Mohan would’ve wiped the floor with that guy, no contest.  Instead, awkward laughter fills the silence.

10:34 PM: Just tried swing dancing.  Feet can’t move fast enough.

11:14 PM: There is definitely a couple having sex on the dance floor.  The girl keeps falling over onto us though.  Severe humping happening over here.  Stay classy, GW.

11:17 PM: Why is everyone here drunk except for me?  Maybe because drinks are $9 each.  Next time, I bring a flask.

11:22 PM: #OverheardAtTheBall "This is the weirdest Bat Mitzvah ever."

11:25 PM: Lost Leah.  Have been searching for about 10 minutes now.  Gave up.  Down a friend for the time being.  Cell reception still nonexistent.

11:33 PM: Leah returns.  Good thing we stayed in the same spot for 20 minutes.

11:50 PM: Strange man approaches us and asks us where we are all from.  The smell of liquor is strong with this one, so we decide it’s time to leave.  Also, we burned a hole in a plastic cup with the table candles.

12:24 PM: Got our coats, went outside, and it is absolutely FREEZING.  The lines for the shuttles look long, and we decide to wait it out inside.

12:30 PM: Found a machine that lets you print instagrammed photos for free.  Time to take pictures!

12:40 PM: Got my instagrammed souvenir for the night.  I feel very current.

12:50 PM: Boarded the bus to get driven back to GW.  I am not sure if this night was worth $100.  GW gets our money again.  At least this only happens every 4 years.